Heres a shocking secret... ready? Ok. My name is Kinsey Anne Whittet, im almost 21 years old, nearly halfway done with college.... and i have ZERO idea what i am doing,
Now, i dont mean this obviously in a literal sense, because i KNOW what im doing... sitting at my cleanly organized desk on a dreary friday evening, writing on my neglected blog. However, in the span of my life in general, i will own up to the fact that my most muttered phrase is "fake it till you make it" half jokingly and, well, the other half...
Recently, i was involved in a nasty car accident during my spring break vacation back home in Florida. And while, the Lord provided and all of us walked away with very minor physical injuries, the mental beating i took is still trying to recover. With every physical ache and bruise i found, i was excited, because i knew the Lord was bragging with every step i took. Im now a walking testimony to the love, protection, and favor the Lord has over all of us, because i very easily could not have walked so easily away from that wreck. However, the struggle is in the lingering aches and pains my soul feels from the weight of that night. My roommate, in only the way she can, gets to ask me the hard questions that I never want to answer. Recently, one of the questions we have been talking through in room 206 is this:
WHEW. That's such a heavy thought. And, of course, in true Kinsey, "I always have an answer" fashion, I immediately said "Yes." and that was the end of the conversation that night.
I know deep in my heart that Jesus Christ died for my sins, so that I, a wretched disgusting sinner, could live forever, along side God himself, in heaven. I believe that, so in my heart I KNOW that I will spend my eternity in Heaven. However, I did begin to seriously look at the fruits in my life, what Jesus will be judging me on, and I was to say the least, concerned. When was the last time I intently studied my bible? Who was holding me accountable? Where did my mind wander in its free time? I cant give you those answers, because they are a little too personal to share over the internet, but I will tell you this: I was ashamed. And while, I tend to be much harder on myself than I need to be, this just did not settle well inside my soul. I know that I have not been putting forth much effort spiritually lately, and I could use many excuses that would sound good to most of the world, but to me they are crap, so I wont even bother trying to make them work. The fact is: I got lazy. I stopped seeing the emergency of living the gospel out.
So... what did I do, or what am I doing about this? If you were to ask my friends, I have dropped off the face of campus. And they would be correct. I have been spending a lot of time in my room, reading, listening to music, just being quiet to allow God to speak. I haven't been entirely my perky self, partly due to my physical pains, but mostly due to my spiritual aches. I realized that if I am not in a good spiritual state, im a terrible friend, roommate, and student. So I took a break from some of my relational obligations at TFC. Im learning very quickly, while physical wounds heal and fade, spiritual wounds need much more care and tending to. Thankfully, I caught the flags of my spiritual needs before I reached a point of completely drained. and I feel like I have learned a lot this week about myself, and where God wants to take me. And while im scared of where im heading, im completely excited. Slowly over the next week, I will integrate back into the TFC population again, hopefully a much more energetic and excited gal.
Ive been pouring myself into music mostly this week, because if you know me, music the ultimate answer to any mood or feeling. I let God speak to me through it, I speak to God through it, and it provides words when I don't have any. One song that ive been playing all day is "if you can hear me" by Ben Rector... heres a link to it: If You Can Hear Me
Anyway... that's what Ive got for now... just a few ramblings of whats in my messy head!
Up next: starting and working through "A Call To Die: 40 days of fasting from the world and feasting on Gods word" Yep.... Should be interesting!
Until then..
xoxo,
-Kins
"Had we died in that accident, would we know for sure that we both would go to heaven."
However, the next day, I ended up confessing this: Im not completely confident in my simple pretty "Yes" answer.
Now, don't get your bibles and holy water out for me just yet, let me finish...
I know deep in my heart that Jesus Christ died for my sins, so that I, a wretched disgusting sinner, could live forever, along side God himself, in heaven. I believe that, so in my heart I KNOW that I will spend my eternity in Heaven. However, I did begin to seriously look at the fruits in my life, what Jesus will be judging me on, and I was to say the least, concerned. When was the last time I intently studied my bible? Who was holding me accountable? Where did my mind wander in its free time? I cant give you those answers, because they are a little too personal to share over the internet, but I will tell you this: I was ashamed. And while, I tend to be much harder on myself than I need to be, this just did not settle well inside my soul. I know that I have not been putting forth much effort spiritually lately, and I could use many excuses that would sound good to most of the world, but to me they are crap, so I wont even bother trying to make them work. The fact is: I got lazy. I stopped seeing the emergency of living the gospel out.
So... what did I do, or what am I doing about this? If you were to ask my friends, I have dropped off the face of campus. And they would be correct. I have been spending a lot of time in my room, reading, listening to music, just being quiet to allow God to speak. I haven't been entirely my perky self, partly due to my physical pains, but mostly due to my spiritual aches. I realized that if I am not in a good spiritual state, im a terrible friend, roommate, and student. So I took a break from some of my relational obligations at TFC. Im learning very quickly, while physical wounds heal and fade, spiritual wounds need much more care and tending to. Thankfully, I caught the flags of my spiritual needs before I reached a point of completely drained. and I feel like I have learned a lot this week about myself, and where God wants to take me. And while im scared of where im heading, im completely excited. Slowly over the next week, I will integrate back into the TFC population again, hopefully a much more energetic and excited gal.
Ive been pouring myself into music mostly this week, because if you know me, music the ultimate answer to any mood or feeling. I let God speak to me through it, I speak to God through it, and it provides words when I don't have any. One song that ive been playing all day is "if you can hear me" by Ben Rector... heres a link to it: If You Can Hear Me
Anyway... that's what Ive got for now... just a few ramblings of whats in my messy head!
Up next: starting and working through "A Call To Die: 40 days of fasting from the world and feasting on Gods word" Yep.... Should be interesting!
Until then..
xoxo,
-Kins
I love you, Kins. You're going to get through this. To everything there is a season. Remember that God has you in the palm of His hand and is directing each move you make.
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