Can I Be Honest......

Its got to be a little bit of a blog-inception going on right now.. the title of my blog.. within the title of a blog.. what?! Ive been thinking about my blog lately- the lack of posting.. the lack of wanting to post.. the lack of wanting to write.. yeah, all of that. So I have been brainstorming where I should go next, because the day to day happenings aren't really blog worthy a ton of the time.. or maybe that's just the way I view it.. maybe a blog post for another day? Anyway, Sitting in my New Testament class this morning I was thinking (Yep, about my blog.. give me credit.. it was 8am.. its hard to study the depth of the sermon on the mount at 8am.. I was barely into my coffee!) So, I got to thinking, I made this blog for a reason, and even more than that, I named it for a specific reason. If you know me, you know music is my passion, its everything to me. And Kj-52 (which if you really know me, is one of the first artists I listened to in a Christian world) has provided me a song to which I live life. "Can I Be Honest" I how found verses and quotes that backs up what this songs means. Honesty is such a rarity in this world of masks.

Here we go, I want to, for the next however long it takes, go through the lyrics of this song, and just honestly let my thoughts out about them. So.. part one.. lets see where this ends up...

What if I spoke with complete honest-ness
What if told you that I've broken some promises
I dealt with pride ever since a little kid
I've comprised and I've doubted like Thomas did
I can't hide though he sees the way I live
Every single time I told every little fib

What if.. what if I, or we, were honest? What if we could just wear our hearts on our sleeves? What if I revealed to my friends and family EVERY SINGLE TIME I failed, lied, stole, judged, envied? What would happen if I told you the sins I battle day in and day out? How would you see me? Would I still be that nice little Christian girl, going to her Christian school, working towards a degree to be in a Christian work place? NO. You wouldn't, I would look a lot like the ugliest people in the world. You probably wouldn't still think of me in that light whatsoever.

But, what if.. what if you could? What if after I finished airing our my dirty laundry, you had the honesty to look back at yourself, with the same laser eyes you were pointing my way? Because, no, I cannot hide from the struggles and sins in my life.. but here's an ugly truth.. neither can you. We push, pull, dress up, and glamorize the crap in our life.  I can put make-up, jewelry, nice clothes, and heels on my body.. does that hide anything? Maybe.. but not to me. I still see it, and people around me may be fooled, but they see themselves.

I still got issues that's hard to let go
Still got some bitter situations with a few folks
Still got a temper that I work hard to control
I gotta remember your standard that's the goal

See, I know the situations I'm battling.. and many others know them, too. I have unresolved conflicts, I have a temper that often gets the best of my mind, I have people I am fleeing from at home, and I wrestle with forgiveness. I tear myself down with the rest of the world. I look in the mirror and point out every single way I fail throughout the day. And as I encounter the people and friends on campus, they do the same thing. We walk ourselves through a battlefield in our own minds. We fight alone. We fight for our lives, our souls, our faith, and our salvation. Until we remember, that fight was not meant for us to endure by ourselves.

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.

Exodus 14:14

The reason the battle never fulfills us is because we aren't fighting it the way we were made to. We walk alone, depend on ourselves, craft our own weapons and shields. What if... what if, just for a second, we took a moment to be still and shut up those voices in our minds? What if we took the time to realize that we have others fighting with us and for us? What if we could just stop running long enough to look back and see the marathon of support alongside us? What if, just for one day, we put down our shields and weapons, and trusted that we would, in fact, still be okay? What if we could once again trust our brothers, sisters, and GOD to protect us like they were made to? What would happen? What would become of a girl who gave into rest, rather than running herself ragged... If she could just stop to breathe and allow, for just a moment, the battle to continue on without her?

What would become of us as brothers and sisters in Christ if we finally gave into our own battles and stepped down from the fight, allowing God to take the lead warrior position? What if...