Used to.

These crazy days. That's about it. Times are crazy in my life. Not just the normal, im 16 (getting ready to have a birthday) school is almost over, exams are coming, cheerleading is getting hard, kind of crazy.. But the, my life is out of control, where did everyone go, where am i, kind of crazy.. Does that make sense to anyone?

Not only is it crazy in my life, but i feel like alot of other people feel like that, and its totally ruining EVERYTHING. People who used to be pretty much my people( you know those people you call at 3am because your having a mental breakdown, and everyone else would kill you if you called at that time.) you know, those people.. anyway. I'm pretty sure my people are gone. okay, well some of them.. i know 2 who i can always call.

The thing is i finally realize that sometimes things like that happen, and im not blaming them, and im not going to blame myself, but no matter how hard i try to make those relationships work and fit into my world, theyre just not going to. Day by day, the more i realize that, the more i'm understanding that its okay. Its all okay. Everytime a doors gets shut in my face, one more opens up, i just need to find it. The cool thing with all of this is realizing the one or two relationships in your life are alot stronger than you think they are. I'm trying to trust and lean on those people.. but you know, thats not easy considering the burn i have taken by a few people. But i have to remember there are a few people who feel the same way about me, so im trying not to be bitter(trying, but im not perfect, its a day by day work-in-progress..) I'm also working on forgiving those people, which is really hard. I'm not sure how exactly to do it.. but, like i said, its all a work-in-progress.

So i guess this is a slammed door in my face to old relationships, and the beginning of my search for my opened door for new ones.. (: and also, here's to not forgetting the fun along the way!

"We used to have this figured out, we used to breathe without a doubt. We used to have this under control. At least there's you, and at least there's me. Can we get this back to how it used to be?"