I just want you to know

You are are one who screwed yourself over and i am SO done with listening to you whine and complain about it. You're not the only person you hurt. But you're to self centered to realize that.

Best thing about having a blog is saying that, and no one knows what i'm talking about, but i feel so much better saying it.

Just For You

"It's way past due that I write just for You

I've been distracted by what can't compare to You

You're worth every note every struggle and pain, every refrain

And I'm gonna sing my lonesome song

Remembering You're with me through the storm"

-B.Reith

Listening to this song today as i rode to school(far to early in my opinion) I realized that i feel just like he does. My words please everyone around me. I'm a "people pleaser" i say and do things, basically to make other people happy. Which is totally wrong.. so so so wrong. i have been distracted by things that cant even come close to God that i have forgotten what my main goal should be, to please HIM.

Recently i have decided to stop being a "people pleaser" and to be honest, I'm quite amused with some of the results of this decision. I enjoy some of the looks i have been getting, even though i know the thoughts behind those looks are very unhappy and negative. Not that i enjoy making people be unhappy or negative, but i do enjoy the feeling of people knowing exactly where i stand, and also them knowing that there is NOTHING they can do to change that anymore.

After last nights message at youth(or at least what i pulled from it) God doesn't make mistakes. So while i know i will never be perfect in most of my thoughts and actions, its okay to say and make them. God created me to think and be this way, and allowing people to change me is basically a slap in the face to God telling him he did not create me good enough. There is comfort in the thought that there will never be anyone in this world like me. God created me to be this person. I want to embrace every opportunity being Kinsey has. I stand alone in a crowd of people, and while that would scare or even sadden others, i find great joy in my differences.

I can no longer be distracted by the things of this world that have no comparison to the greatest creator to ever be. So be warned my friends. For i am becoming unafraid of speaking my mind and sticking to it.

Kinsey's Top Ten..

There are 10 things that can basically make any of my "blah" days better:

1.) A good ringtone to wake up to. It's the first thing you hear in the morning, so you know, it has to be good. Right now its "Hands" by The Almost.



2.) Advisory. The best period of the day, in between 2nd and 3rd period, a 30 minute break.. and if you have a good teacher (which i absolutly do!) you get to sit, listen to music, play on the computer, enjoy a mid school snack, or something like that.. it helps when you kow your going to have a crazy day.

3.) The library during lunch. Its nice and quiet, and just like advisory, it helps calm a crazy day. Lucky for us, we have a great media teacher who lets me lurk fashion sites and blogs, and SparkLife (:

4.) A good playlist to jam to in the car. This week its a mix of: Old Needtobreathe, The Almost, Above the Golden State, and Switchfoot.. super up beat, wakes me up before and after school (:

5.) One tree hill and Greys Anatomy reruns. Because lets be honest.. why do homework when you can watch episodes you love and have seen a millon times (:

6.) A good Starbuck run(Chai Tea latte with soy).

This does not need a description, only this --------------->

mmmmmm... i can smell the spicy yummmmyyness!!!

7.) My little pink binder. Home of basically everything important..

pictures, encouragement notes, some writings, random things from youth group, song book from detroit, weekend book from stuck, old cards and letters. Just a bunch of random things that make me smile.

8.) Perezhilton.com. If you need a good laugh, and want to catch up on any celeb gossip, he is your go to guy! Love him.

9.) Flickr.com. Just to waist time looking up random photo's, the best site for cool random flower shots, band pictures, and sweet wedding pictures..

10.) A good Grooveshark playlist to drift you into sleep (: if you dont know what grooveshark is... you should. Its awesome.

well, friends.. thats my boring post for today (:

Enjoyyy!!

xoxo -kins ♥

Today..

Today is not my day. Today i am going to try not to call you and scream every profanity i know in your ear, but that doesnt mean i wont say it in my head. Today i know that i am going to put some progress aside, and let myself be angry. Today, im not going to lie, i want to throw something at a window just to watch it break. Today i will admit that i looked at a picture of you, and i wanted to yell. I will also admit that today, everytime i saw a post you made on facebook it took everything in me not to say something mean. Today im fighting the Hulk inside me. Today im going to let you get under my skin Today writing this is keeping me from saying it to your face. Yeah... Today is not my day. Bu thats okay.. tomorrow will be better.

Fairytale Friendship..

"Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." Psalm 146:3

I know there are many verses people believe every Christian should know, but personally, i think that any girl, from a little girl, to even adults should have this highlighted in their bibles. Obviously if you read my last post, you know that right now relationship, for me, are a struggle, to say the least. So maybe this is why i love this verse *So much.

Now, what i think this verse actually means can go past the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing, because to be honest, that a whole other deal! (: To be right to the point, i think what this verse is saying, dont put your trust fully in people, because they are going to fail you. I know, i know, that sounds super harsh, but its so true. Think about it.. people are imperfect.. so what does that mean? They are not always going to be ther 100% everytime you need them.

You know what i cannot stand? Those TV relationships. You know what im talking about. The best friends who never have anything wrong with thier relationship, even when they do fight, its done, over with, and solved within 30 minutes. I mean, seriously?! Who is like that in real life.. NO ONE!! It's just silly. Real friends are not like that. Real relationship hurt, really bad. At church, a few sundays ago the message was "the people you love the most, WILL hurt you the most". I have expirenced that, and more than likely done that to other people i love.

Im not really sure where i am going with this post, maybe it just me venting. I just think that at some point in relationships it become so much easier to walk away than have to deal with all the distrust, anger, and i guess just the crap of relationships. Like, sometimes you get pushed so far off the path of friendship, and you have so much baggage that you need to decide for yourself if the journey back to the path is worth all the struggle, pain, and vulnerability it takes to get there. Dont get me wrong, i believe sometimes it is so worth it.. but how can you know if you got it right, if this is the friendship that you need to back off from?

I guess i just need to settle with this:

I do not have the answers.. i dont know what people to put my trust in, because evenually, they all are going to end up messing up, including myself. Some will hurt more than others, some i will want to ignore just to protect myself, and some will help prove the struggle is worth the fight. The reward will be finding those relationship that i know are worth it, no matter the crap it will put me through.. maybe i have them already, maybe i need to keep looking.. but what i do know, like other things, its all just a work in progress!

xoxo

-Kins♥

Used to.

These crazy days. That's about it. Times are crazy in my life. Not just the normal, im 16 (getting ready to have a birthday) school is almost over, exams are coming, cheerleading is getting hard, kind of crazy.. But the, my life is out of control, where did everyone go, where am i, kind of crazy.. Does that make sense to anyone?

Not only is it crazy in my life, but i feel like alot of other people feel like that, and its totally ruining EVERYTHING. People who used to be pretty much my people( you know those people you call at 3am because your having a mental breakdown, and everyone else would kill you if you called at that time.) you know, those people.. anyway. I'm pretty sure my people are gone. okay, well some of them.. i know 2 who i can always call.

The thing is i finally realize that sometimes things like that happen, and im not blaming them, and im not going to blame myself, but no matter how hard i try to make those relationships work and fit into my world, theyre just not going to. Day by day, the more i realize that, the more i'm understanding that its okay. Its all okay. Everytime a doors gets shut in my face, one more opens up, i just need to find it. The cool thing with all of this is realizing the one or two relationships in your life are alot stronger than you think they are. I'm trying to trust and lean on those people.. but you know, thats not easy considering the burn i have taken by a few people. But i have to remember there are a few people who feel the same way about me, so im trying not to be bitter(trying, but im not perfect, its a day by day work-in-progress..) I'm also working on forgiving those people, which is really hard. I'm not sure how exactly to do it.. but, like i said, its all a work-in-progress.

So i guess this is a slammed door in my face to old relationships, and the beginning of my search for my opened door for new ones.. (: and also, here's to not forgetting the fun along the way!

"We used to have this figured out, we used to breathe without a doubt. We used to have this under control. At least there's you, and at least there's me. Can we get this back to how it used to be?"

I Just Do Not Understand..

I have been thinking lately.. there are so many things i do not understand. So for you bloggers out there, here's a sweet little list of some things(some serious, some funny) Kinsey's mind cannot wrap around..

• Why i cannot find time to update this silly blog... Michelle makes me look like such a slacker.


• Why i cannot seem to find it in me to memorize these 10 bible verses.


• Why, oh why, can i not shut my mind off at a regular hour, to catch some ZZZZ's


• Why must it be cold... in March.


• Why, i cannot be like Elle Woods (okay.. i really do mean that, other than some stupid things, the girl is wicked smart, and determined!! ps, im watching legally blonde :])


• Why i cannot seem to shed this pound-age i have gained.


• Why i cannot stop slacking on my stupid paper.


• Why i have to take my grumpy-ness on other people(gotta really work on that)


• Why i have yet to think of a clever quote, that someone will want to eventually quote me for.


• Why i refuse to get out of my bed, even though my window is open, and its raining, and cold.


• Why i have not been honest with this one person.


• Why i cannot get my self motivated to actually read, and work in these 2 books.


• Why do i find facebook taking up alot of my time.


• Why i can't(or wont) fix these broken people.
• Why can i just accept some people leave, and you WILL NOT get them back.
• Why are One Tree Hill reruns SO amazing?
• Why can't you be the person you used to be.

why i cant be more motivated to finish this...